


It’s too Early for This

by Inkribbon796



Category: Jacksepticeye Fandom
Genre: Anti acts like a cat, Anti is a good bean in this fic, Anti is trying his best, Bad Flirting, Birthday Post, Cultural Differences, M/M, Marvin tries too hard, Pre-Slash, demonic flirting, use of organs and road kill while flirting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-15
Updated: 2020-09-15
Packaged: 2021-03-06 23:33:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,559
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26487226
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Inkribbon796/pseuds/Inkribbon796
Summary: For Henrik’s birthday. Henrik has been receiving some gruesome leftovers every morning, and all signs point to Anti.
Relationships: Antistein, Background Marvin the Magnificent/Jackieboy Man, Marvelsepticeye, henrik von schneeplestein/Antisepticeye
Comments: 8
Kudos: 39





	It’s too Early for This

Anti was an eccentric but after a couple months you got used to him. Or at least you learned to read his moods.

Unlike Dark or Phantom who would just glare at you and you had five seconds to guess and hope you got it right, Anti was straightforward. When he was bored he stabbed the closest moving object. When he was angry he stabbed the closest thing in general. There was no hesitation, no word play, no brooding in his room because things didn’t go his way.

But Anti had been bothering Henrik a lot, and leaving dead things outside his door. First it was small things like robins and finches. Then it was squirrels, and badgers. One morning Henrik had walked out to see a half-disemboweled nightmare beaver from Hell.

So Henrik usually kept a bin in front of his door so they didn’t have to keep replacing the carpet.

Henrik, exhausted from another late night at the hospital, opened his door and expected to see another rodent but what he saw was a human heart in a bin by the door.

Were this post-coffee, and not at 4 AM, Henrik would have his brain fully working and he would have screamed. Now he just stared at the alarm for a couple seconds. Then he picked it up and brought it with him into the kitchen. Jackie was half asleep at the table, looking like death walking, and he hugged his coffee to him as if it was going to save his life.

Seán was in a pair of sweats, and made a double take at the bin, “Shite! Anti again?”

Henrik set it down on top of the trash, immediately going for the coffee. “Ya.”

“Yah want me ta do somethin’ ‘bout him?” Jackieboy Man asked in concern.

“If ze glitch continues to send body parts, zen yes,” Henrik dismissed. “I am not a’vake enough for zis.”

“I feel yah,” Jackie agreed as a tremendous lightning storm hit right over their home, making everyone jump. The lightning hit Seán’s tinnitus particularly hard and spread to the rest of the Septics.

Seán was drinking his coffee, took one look at the heart and the rain again, “Night fookers!”

“It is 4 AM,” Henrik asked.

“Yeah, night,” Seán agreed.

Jackie looked outside and groaned. What he saw was Marvin and Anti were standing close to the street, Anti looking up at the sky and Marvin glaring at Anti. What Marvin had been planning on doing was summoning a huge display of lights for Jackie when the superhero walked out but at the last minute he was distracted by Anti and had messed up the spell, causing a storm instead.

_And Marv wonders why our neighbors hate us,_ Jackie thought dryly.

“Yah fookin’ gopher shite,” Marvin spat at Anti, now thoroughly drenched to the bone.

“Ehh, yah should’a paid attention, maybe next time lover boy,” Anti chuckled.

“Oh like yeh can do any better,” Marvin spat back. “How’s ‘bout I fook over yer attempts ta fook Henrik.”

“Nah, Hein loves my gifts,” Anti reported proudly.

“Anti I s’vear,” Henrik had finally noticed that Anti was standing outside. “If you send me un more organ I vill feed you your own zrough a tube!”

The German doctor slammed the window and Anti had a heartbroken but love struck look on his face.

“Come on, Hein!” Anti groaned. “You can’t threaten me like that an’ not expect me ta fall in love with yah!”

“Smooth,” Marvin started trudging back inside, “real smooth. But, yah know better luck _next time lover boy_.”

“Shut it fore I kill yah, I sent him a heart, humans love those,” Anti grumbled, following the magician.

“Hey dipshite, yah know humans don’t send real hearts to someone, right?” Marvin reminded.

“What, that’s absurd,” Anti huffed. “What’s the point ‘a givin’ someone a heart if yah can’t hunt it down yerself?”

“We’re human, dumbass,” Marvin spat and once at the door he tried to shake off as much water as possible before heading inside. “Try gettin’ him some flowers or candy, Henrik loves caramel.”

Then he ran inside at a dead sprint to the bathroom to avoid getting as much water on the floor as possible. He failed, Chase noticed and got more than a bit pissed at him.

Anti for his part was just staring, missing Henrik walking out the door until it was too late.

So Anti decided that instead of demon tactics of blood sport and death threats weren’t working he’d try a more human approach, if Henrik wanted flowers and caramel, he’d get it for him.

Henrik’s day went from annoying to aggravating. He came to work to see Iplier tired but trying to stop himself from cackling. When Henrik looked at his desk it was covered in weeds, houseplants, and dirt. It was covering his desk. Whenever he cleaned up there was always more dirt and flowers. Then around midday he saw a clump of melted caramel just sitting on his desk, speckled with the dirt that Henrik hadn’t completely been able to clean up.

He knew to blame Anti, the glitch demon had been leaving him dead animals for ages, of course he’d dropped melted candy and weeds on his desk.

All day it was non-stop but he never came in time to catch Anti and yelled at him. This resulted in Henrik having a worsening mood all day and going home with death in his eyes. The first person he saw was Marvin who was sleeping on the couch.

“Marvin!” Henrik shouted in fury.

“Didn’t do it!” Marvin’s startled awake.

“Vere is Anti,” Henrik hissed.

“Don’t know, haven’t seen him,” Marvin told him, looking like he was about to fall asleep. “Last I heard he was getting flowers.”

“He put shit on my desk all day und I am going to kill him,” Henrik reported.

“Shit, he’s that bad a flirt?” Marvin grumbled, still half-asleep.

Henrik was so surprised by that statement it jolted him out of his anger a bit, he was still pissed as hell but now he was only slightly less pissed. “What?”

“Ahh, shite, yah didn’t hear nothin’ from me,” Marvin told him, suddenly very awake and scrambling away. “Gonna bug Jackie.”

The magician bolted out the house like he’d been set on fire, leaving Henrik alone with his slowly cooling anger.

The German doctor found Anti throwing his knives at the wall, trying to hit a picture of Seán and Dark’s faces.

“Anti,” Henrik warned.

Anti froze before he could toss another knife, staring at Henrik in surprise, “Sup Hein, you got an invitation.”

“Vhy did you melt caramel und pour dirt all over my desk?” Henrik asked.

“Maybe ‘cause I wanted to,” Anti evaded heatedly.

“Vhy did you put dirt on my desk?” Henrik asked.

“I couldn’t shake ‘em off the plants,” Anti tossed the knife at his dartboard.

“Did you give me flo’vers?” Henrik asked.

“Don’t be stupid, demons don’t give anyone flowers,” Anti denied, getting up to grab his knives again and started throwing them at the board at the other side of the wall that had all the other Septic’s pictures on it, including Henrik’s. Henrik’s picture was also the first one to get a knife thrown through it,

“Are you trying to flirt vit me? Henrik asked, almost certain Anti wasn’t.

But Anti paused and looked over at Henrik, “Is it workin’?”

Henrik took a second or two, deciding if even entertaining the idea of dating Anti was a good idea. He was a killer and more than a bit erratic. “No, I assume ze organs vere also an attempt at flirting.”

“Did yah like ‘em?” Anti asked in excitement.

That excitement was a bit of a surprise to Henrik, and a reminder that he was a demon. “No, ze organs vere vet und kald. Zey also dropped blood all over ze floor, however ze zought vas nice if you vere not attempting to kill me.”

“Where’s the fun in that?” Anti grinned. “Besides, you threaten me so amazingly.”

“You like ven I z’reaten you?” Henrik asked.

“Course I do,” Anti grinned, inches away from Henrik in his typical flagrancy of Henrik’s personal space. “Yer so fookin’ descriptive.”

“Vell, maybe I can keep z’reatening you if you stop leaving ze animals, und perhaps,” Henrik offered “help me to start my day. I certainly vould not mind help wiz my coffee.”

Anti looked a little hopeful, “Black?”

“Two sugars,” Henrik answered. “No blood or organs.”

“No promises,” Anti smiled and glitched out of existence. Henrik left Anti’s room and relaxed for the rest of the day. He always felt like he was being watched but Anti didn’t show face.

However in the morning when Henrik opened his door, instead of seeing a dead animal or another organ, he saw a warm cup of coffee in his favorite mug in the container. Henrik smiled as he picked it up. He noticed that there were two sugar cubes that looked like human organs, one was a pair of lungs and another was a heart. It was almost too realistic but they crumbled like sugar and tasted like sugar so best bet was that they were sugar.

Henrik lifted the mug to his lips and went back into his room to change into his scrubs.

**Author's Note:**

> This is how I view these pairings:  
> Marvin: (sends fireworks overhead written in Jackie’s name)  
> Jackie: (misses the display completely)  
> Marvin: (screams in frustration)  
> Anti: (leaves dead birds to proclaim his love)  
> Henrik: I do not have enough coffee in my system to deal wiz zis.  
> Anti: (sad glitch noises)


End file.
